Identity

I've been thinking a lot this week about identity. I've come to the realization that who or what you identify yourself with has a huge impact on every aspect of your life. The things I have identified myself with throughout my life have changed as I've grown, and my outlook and feelings have morphed drastically given those changes. When I was a child I identified and aligned myself most with my family, and because of that I felt safe and lived a simple, mostly worry-free life, minus the head-to-heads I'd have with my brother (usually over the fact that he wouldn't let me play legos or hockey with him -- not that I'm bitter or anything) because my family was loving and stable. In 5th grade I changed schools and identified myself as an outsider. I had no friends at first and was surrounded by people who had tons of close friends. Because of these feelings of alienation I strove to befriend whoever I could, however I could. I would say what I thought people wanted to hear and spread myself thin, and those two things worked together to hurt me. By the middle of 6th grade I was back to having no friends, and was surrounded by people who didn't like me at all because of things I'd said and lies I told that hurt them. In high school I identified myself with my friends, whom I must preface by saying that I loved and continue to love dearly. But I felt the pressure of being in a somewhat "popular" and fast-moving crowd, and that pressure combined with my self-consciousness at the time turned into an unhealthy thing. I went against what I felt was right and did things I thought would keep me in that crowd and would uphold that identity.

And then I went to college and began to identify myself first and foremost as a Christian, and everything changed. I began seeing myself as a beloved and perfectly made child of God first and foremost, one that God gave everything for. Knowing that and putting that in the front of my mind every day completely changed who I was, how I saw things, what I prioritized and what I was motivated to do. I was free from the unhealthy identities I once had, and was now free to live a life of love, joy and health. Each day I learn more and more about that identity. I don't feel tempted to do what I used to be tempted to do because I know that those things won't lead me to joy and fulfillment, and they plainly just aren't attractive to me. When I wasn't in a dating relationship, I didn't feel the desperate need for that because I knew that God's love was enough and that His timing is always perfect. I'm able to love more fully and give grace more abundantly than before because I'm aware of the grace and love bestowed upon me with every breath of air that fills my lungs. I'm not saying that life is perfect, or that I am perfect by any means now that my identity is in Christ (far from it!), but I'm saying that in all circumstances there is a reason for me to have hope and joy in something so much greater than anything this world can throw at me. And that is more freeing than anything I've experienced before.

2 Corinthians 5:17 "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"